I feel judged for being a young mum

Bourn Sisters

posted in Mum Stories

I was 23 when I gave birth to my daughter, which is well below the average age of 29 for first-time mums in the UK. As far as I am concerned age is just a number and doesn't define you as a person or a mother.

I know that for some pregnancy is a happy accident, but for us it was something we talked about daily. We were excited to begin a family and simply couldn't wait! When we found out we were pregnant we were overjoyed with happiness and impatient for our baby to arrive. We were confident in our ability to be parents, our relationship, our love and our financial situation. We were ready!

When we announced our pregnancy, most of our close friends and family were not surprised; they knew that it was something we were planning. However, there were some people who questioned our decision, asking “was it planned? Is it what we really wanted? Had we not considered how much our lives may change?"

Ever since, I've felt a stigma attached to us for being young parents. Wherever we go I notice people staring at us, watching us, trying to work out if we are just babysitting, or if we are parents.

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"You must be the nanny" they ask innocently. I know I shouldn't let comments like this bother me, but I can't help but be hurt by them. "No this is my child, who I carried inside me for 9 months and love more then life itself" I want to shout like a mad woman. Instead I smile sweetly and confirm that this is my daughter.

Then comes the judgement. You can almost read their minds. "Wow she's young, I wonder how old she is, bet that wasn't planned." I feel like I have to explain myself and my choices. Then I realise, it's none of their business!

As a young mum I can't help but feel like I have to constantly prove to myself to people. I'm a mother and I'm happy about it! In fact, it's my biggest achievement and my greatest passion. I love being a mother. It shouldn’t matter that I am young.

I always knew I wanted to have children in my early 20s. I have been lucky enough to find the perfect person early in my life to make that dream a reality, and we haven't looked back or regretted our decision once.

I don't believe your age determines how good a parent you are and I think that the right time is different for everyone. I believe women should unite in motherhood and support each other. Young and old, we share a common goal. Next time you see a mother, whatever their age, I urge you to strike up a conversation. I promise you will have lots in common!

Mallory